Losing Self, Finding Self, by the Rev. Dr. Paul S. Nancarrow
This sermon is based on Matthew 16:21-28
An audio version of this sermon is available here.
Poor Peter. Sometimes being a disciple is so confusing.
In last week’s Gospel story, Peter was the first ever to recognize and say out loud that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of the living God; and because of that, Jesus told Peter that he was blessed by God and had faith that would be the rock on which Jesus would build his entire church.
Then, in today’s story, Jesus begins to explain to his disciples what being the Messiah, the Son of the living God will mean: he must go to Jerusalem, and confront the chief priests and the Roman government, and be crucified, and on the third day rise again. And when Peter hears this, he takes Jesus aside, privately, and says to him “You shouldn’t say things like that; God forbid that you should die; you shouldn’t disappoint your disciples with such a downer of a message.” But Jesus turns and says to Peter “You’re talking like the enemy; you’re thinking in human terms, not divine terms; you’re a stumbling-block in my way” — and he calls all the disciples together and tells them “If you want to be my follower, you have to learn to deny yourself; the more you try to save your life the more you’ll lose it, but the more you lose your life for me the more you’ll save it.”
So one moment Peter is the Rock, and the next moment he’s a stumbling-block; one moment Peter’s faith is the foundation of the church, the next moment he is the enemy of Jesus’ mission. I can just imagine Peter saying “What’d I do? Was it something I said? What did I do wrong?”
Part of the problem here is that Peter is clinging to Jesus. Peter has just recognized Jesus as the Messiah, and Peter, like most Jews of his day, has some definite ideas of what the Messiah should be. The Messiah should come to vindicate God’s people. The Messiah should bring judgment to God’s enemies and reward to God’s righteous. The Messiah should reign forever in a kingdom of peace and justice, of right relationships in mutual well-being, a kingdom that would never ever ever fade away. Peter has definite expectations of what Jesus’ being Messiah should mean.
But it’s not just Peter’s expectations of Jesus that are at stake — Peter’s expectations for Peter are also on the line. If Jesus is the Messiah and Peter is the Rock, the Messiah’s right-hand-man, then what happens to Jesus will happen to Peter, too. If Peter’s image of Jesus is threatened, then Peter’s image of himself-with-Jesus is threatened. And Peter doesn’t want to think about what his life would be like if Jesus weren’t there: Peter has found in Jesus a teacher, a master, a healer, a friend; Peter has found that his life is more with Jesus in it than it ever had been before; Peter has come to trust that Jesus loves him, and he loves Jesus too, and that friendship, that compassion, that love makes Peter more himself than he ever could be just on his own. If Jesus dies, if Jesus isn’t going to be there anymore, then Peter will lose that self he has become. And that loss frightens Peter, losing himself like that scares Peter — and so Peter wants to cling to Jesus as hard as he can, so that he can cling to himself as hard as he can, and never have to fear losing the joy and security and love he’s come to know in being Jesus’ disciple.
There’s just one problem with that: Peter clings so hard to what is, he is not able to open up to what is yet to be. Peter clings so hard to his expectations for Jesus as a conquering Messiah, he’s not able to see the greater-than-expected promise in Jesus dying and rising again to transform all of life. Peter clings so hard to his image of himself as Jesus’ right-hand-man, he’s not able to imagine the even greater self, the apostle and preacher and teacher and healer, Jesus is inviting him to become. Peter will not let his expectations die, so he cannot be open to the greater possibilities for him God wants to bring to life.
And I think that is what Jesus is getting at when he gathers the rest of the disciples and talks about saving and losing life. The word we translate “life” here can also be translated “self” — and in that translation I think the saying makes even more sense. Jesus says “If you try to hold on to your self, you will lose your self; but if you can let go of the self you think you are now, you can discover in God an even greater self you can yet become.” Jesus’ call in the Gospel today is to be willing to let our expectations of ourselves as we are now die, so that we can be open to the new possibilities for us God wants to bring to life.
And if we can do that, if we can let go, if we can be willing to lose the selves we think we are, it is amazing what new selves we can become in Christ. I think of the woman I knew who said she had to give up thinking of herself as a hopeless drunk before she could discover a new self as someone in healthy recovery. Or the man whose heart attack made him question the go-go-go, push-push-push, always giving 110% executive he’d always been, and start looking for a new identity as someone who took the time to enjoy the people and the life around him. Or the teenager who went on a high school mission trip and had a profound experience that opened up a whole new way of seeing service to others as a personal career path. Or the family that gave up its high-spending consumer lifestyle to find a new way of living more simply and more genuinely with the earth and with their neighbors and with each other. Or the man who had a religious conversion experience — who never told me exactly what the experience was, but only said it made him feel like a new creation — and who went from just going to church as a matter of habit to really trying to live a Christlike life. Over the years so many people have shared with me stories of how they have been called to give up their self-expectations, how they’ve been put on the line of losing their old selves, and so have found a new self, a new life, living the way of love revealed in Jesus.
Jesus said “If you try to save your self, you will lose your self; but if you lose your self in me, you will find a greater self than you had ever imagined.” Let it be our prayer today that, as we offer ourselves to Christ in this Eucharist, we may each and all grow into the new life Christ offers us. Amen.
This sermon is based on Matthew 16:21-28
An audio version of this sermon is available here.
Poor Peter. Sometimes being a disciple is so confusing.
In last week’s Gospel story, Peter was the first ever to recognize and say out loud that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of the living God; and because of that, Jesus told Peter that he was blessed by God and had faith that would be the rock on which Jesus would build his entire church.
Then, in today’s story, Jesus begins to explain to his disciples what being the Messiah, the Son of the living God will mean: he must go to Jerusalem, and confront the chief priests and the Roman government, and be crucified, and on the third day rise again. And when Peter hears this, he takes Jesus aside, privately, and says to him “You shouldn’t say things like that; God forbid that you should die; you shouldn’t disappoint your disciples with such a downer of a message.” But Jesus turns and says to Peter “You’re talking like the enemy; you’re thinking in human terms, not divine terms; you’re a stumbling-block in my way” — and he calls all the disciples together and tells them “If you want to be my follower, you have to learn to deny yourself; the more you try to save your life the more you’ll lose it, but the more you lose your life for me the more you’ll save it.”
So one moment Peter is the Rock, and the next moment he’s a stumbling-block; one moment Peter’s faith is the foundation of the church, the next moment he is the enemy of Jesus’ mission. I can just imagine Peter saying “What’d I do? Was it something I said? What did I do wrong?”
Part of the problem here is that Peter is clinging to Jesus. Peter has just recognized Jesus as the Messiah, and Peter, like most Jews of his day, has some definite ideas of what the Messiah should be. The Messiah should come to vindicate God’s people. The Messiah should bring judgment to God’s enemies and reward to God’s righteous. The Messiah should reign forever in a kingdom of peace and justice, of right relationships in mutual well-being, a kingdom that would never ever ever fade away. Peter has definite expectations of what Jesus’ being Messiah should mean.
But it’s not just Peter’s expectations of Jesus that are at stake — Peter’s expectations for Peter are also on the line. If Jesus is the Messiah and Peter is the Rock, the Messiah’s right-hand-man, then what happens to Jesus will happen to Peter, too. If Peter’s image of Jesus is threatened, then Peter’s image of himself-with-Jesus is threatened. And Peter doesn’t want to think about what his life would be like if Jesus weren’t there: Peter has found in Jesus a teacher, a master, a healer, a friend; Peter has found that his life is more with Jesus in it than it ever had been before; Peter has come to trust that Jesus loves him, and he loves Jesus too, and that friendship, that compassion, that love makes Peter more himself than he ever could be just on his own. If Jesus dies, if Jesus isn’t going to be there anymore, then Peter will lose that self he has become. And that loss frightens Peter, losing himself like that scares Peter — and so Peter wants to cling to Jesus as hard as he can, so that he can cling to himself as hard as he can, and never have to fear losing the joy and security and love he’s come to know in being Jesus’ disciple.
There’s just one problem with that: Peter clings so hard to what is, he is not able to open up to what is yet to be. Peter clings so hard to his expectations for Jesus as a conquering Messiah, he’s not able to see the greater-than-expected promise in Jesus dying and rising again to transform all of life. Peter clings so hard to his image of himself as Jesus’ right-hand-man, he’s not able to imagine the even greater self, the apostle and preacher and teacher and healer, Jesus is inviting him to become. Peter will not let his expectations die, so he cannot be open to the greater possibilities for him God wants to bring to life.
And I think that is what Jesus is getting at when he gathers the rest of the disciples and talks about saving and losing life. The word we translate “life” here can also be translated “self” — and in that translation I think the saying makes even more sense. Jesus says “If you try to hold on to your self, you will lose your self; but if you can let go of the self you think you are now, you can discover in God an even greater self you can yet become.” Jesus’ call in the Gospel today is to be willing to let our expectations of ourselves as we are now die, so that we can be open to the new possibilities for us God wants to bring to life.
And if we can do that, if we can let go, if we can be willing to lose the selves we think we are, it is amazing what new selves we can become in Christ. I think of the woman I knew who said she had to give up thinking of herself as a hopeless drunk before she could discover a new self as someone in healthy recovery. Or the man whose heart attack made him question the go-go-go, push-push-push, always giving 110% executive he’d always been, and start looking for a new identity as someone who took the time to enjoy the people and the life around him. Or the teenager who went on a high school mission trip and had a profound experience that opened up a whole new way of seeing service to others as a personal career path. Or the family that gave up its high-spending consumer lifestyle to find a new way of living more simply and more genuinely with the earth and with their neighbors and with each other. Or the man who had a religious conversion experience — who never told me exactly what the experience was, but only said it made him feel like a new creation — and who went from just going to church as a matter of habit to really trying to live a Christlike life. Over the years so many people have shared with me stories of how they have been called to give up their self-expectations, how they’ve been put on the line of losing their old selves, and so have found a new self, a new life, living the way of love revealed in Jesus.
Jesus said “If you try to save your self, you will lose your self; but if you lose your self in me, you will find a greater self than you had ever imagined.” Let it be our prayer today that, as we offer ourselves to Christ in this Eucharist, we may each and all grow into the new life Christ offers us. Amen.
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